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Important information explains mud oddities at weekends. |
Hawumph
Arch-Wizard
Joined: Jan 23, 2002
Posts: 368
From: Somewhere you don't want to go!
|  Posted: 02-06-2003 08:51
The World Health Organisation (WHO) has just issued an urgent warning about BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome).
A newly identified problem has spread rapidly throughout the world. The disease, identified as BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome) affects people of many different ages. Believed to have started in Ireland in 1500 BC, the disease seems to affect people who congregate in Pubs and Taverns or who just congregate. It is not known how the disease is transmitted but approximately three billion people world-wide are affected, with thousands of new cases appearing every day. Early symptoms of the disease include an uncontrollable urge at 5:00pm to consume a beer or alcoholic beverage.
This urge is most keenly felt on Fridays. More advanced symptoms of the disease include talking loudly, singing off-key, aggression, heightened sexual attraction/confidence (even towards fuglies), uncalled for laughter, uncontrollable dancing and unprovoked arguing.
In the final stages of the disease, victims are often cross-eyed, and speak incoherently. Vomiting, loss of memory, loss of balance, loss of clothing and loss of virginity can also occur. Sometimes death ensues, usually accompanied by the victim shouting, "Hey Fred, bet you can't do this!" or "Wanna see how fast it goes??"
If you develop any of these symptoms, it is important that you quarantine yourself in a pub with fellow victims until last orders, or all the symptoms have passed. Sadly, it is reported that the disease can reappear at very short notice or at the latest, on the following Friday.
Side effects for survivors include bruising, broken limbs, lost property, killer headaches and divorce.
On the up side, there is not, and probably never will be, a permanent cure.
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How 'bout them transparent dangling carrots? It's not fair to deny me, the cross-eyed bear that you gave to me. You otter know!!!
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Crowley
pioneer
Joined: Apr 14, 2003
Posts: 421
From: Birmingham
| Posted: 02-06-2003 09:53
Quote:
| In the final stages of the disease, victims are often cross-eyed, and speak incoherently. Vomiting, loss of memory, loss of balance, loss of clothing |
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Uh oh, I have this every day.
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*Fiz the necromancess says "I've been advised by everyone in the game to ignore you, Crowley".
  
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Rosie
novice
Joined: Apr 27, 2003
Posts: 4
From: Birmingham
| Posted: 03-06-2003 14:55
And I thought it was just an endearing character trait. Your daughter's certainly inherited it...
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Crowley
pioneer
Joined: Apr 14, 2003
Posts: 421
From: Birmingham
| Posted: 09-06-2003 09:28
Get back in that kitchen and knit me a sweater, woman!
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Vulnax
explorer
Joined: Oct 19, 2001
Posts: 648
From: North West
| Posted: 10-06-2003 19:41
Ohh the joys of merry co-habitation discussion.
And I bet you two post the messages on seperate computers too ehh???
~ E-Mail is a wonderful thing; why pick up the phone, dial and talk when you can boot up, log on and type badly to chat to a friend? Progress...
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