| Author |
A RL game I lost |
royston
ranger
Joined: Jul 14, 2007
Posts: 1217
From: Felixstowe, Suffolk.
|  Posted: 21-10-2008 18:01
This is certainly the story of another game but one played out in Real Life which, though I think I lost, may still be worth recounting.
My way back to Spain after the MUDMeet found me some three hours early at Gatwick Airport. There was no queue at the check-in and in no time at all I was on my way to go through Security. I made my way through the first snakey maze, resisting the temptation to duck under the tapes, even though there was no one ahead of me, as I noticed the woman at the desk in the far distance watching me intently with what can only be described as a steely gaze. I call this first obstacle a snakey maze because although it is not a maze (there is only one way through), it has the appearance of a maze and it is certainly snakey. I always wonder if they have a couple of Border Collies hidden away to round up strays. Anyway I arrived at the desk in the presence of the steely gaze, and on the production of my passport and boarding card, I was allowed to proceed to the next stage.
So far so good.
Now to the second snakey maze. This, after some meandering, led to the roller track, of the sort you see in bottle factories, which feeds stuff through the x-ray machine. Now I am an old-hand at this. I put my passport and boarding card in my back trouser pocket. I have previously been called ?a goddam stupid limey? at the next stage of the process when I was unable to produce them to authority for a second time as they were in my bag going through the x-ray machine at the time. Everything on my person, metallic or otherwise, goes into a pocket in my carry-on bag, kept empty for that very purpose. In went my wallet, my black leather purse (for English coins), my brown leather purse (for Spanish coins), various pens, my two mobile phones (one for when I?m in England; the other for Spain) and the belt from round my waist. My hat and coat went into a plastic tray and soon it was on its merry way into the machine just ahead of my bag. Then I noticed I was the only one wearing shoes. Uggh. This was a no-shoes day. They wait till you think you just about understand the system then they make it a no-shoes day just for the hell of it. So off they came and I got them on the track behind my bag just in time and all kit disappeared into the dark and hidden depths of the x-ray machine.
So far so good.
I got through the next stage with flying colours. The magic portal. This time it decided not to bleep at me. It works on the same principle as the TS.
So far so good.
I was now on the far side of the x-ray machine. My hat and coat had come out followed by my shoes. In between the two there should have been a red bag. I wondered for a moment if it had been swallowed by the machine when I noticed it had been taken out of the system and stacked with several others. When I asked if I could be given it I was told to wait my turn in a special designated area with the other defaulters.
It wasn?t very long before my case (pun for CF) came to be dealt with. I was summoned by a security officer who had my bag on a table in front of her. I was asked if I objected to her going through my things in the bag. There are two possible answers to this question and I debated which to give. But then I had this vision of her HAWUMPHING my bag, destroying it and singeing me in the process, so I gave the sensible answer.
Now I should explain that you cannot buy pump action toothpaste dispensers in Spain. It is one of the few things we regularly stock up with on a visit to England. I had purchased two in Boots and they were at the very bottom of the bag in their Boots plastic bag. Eventually she produced these with a triumphal flourish.
?Didn?t you read the notice", she said. "No liquids".
?That?s paste. It?s toothpaste. It?s not a liquid."
?It also says no gel?
In was about to explain that toothpaste was not a gel either when I realised that I was going about this in entirely the wrong way. Instead I said:
?Look I?m very sorry. I honestly thought toothpaste was alright. It clearly my fault. I am really stupid. I didn?t understand.?
?These are supposed to be in the clear plastic bags you get on the way in?.
?I?m sorry but as you can clearly see it is harmless toothpaste?
I got the sort of look which says 'Watch my lips Sunshine'.
I said, ?I had better let you see this too. You missed this.?
I delved into my sponge bag and produced my rather manky half used tube of toothpaste. A conventional tube, not pump-action, but still containing possibly explosive toothpaste.
?Oh that?s alright?, she retorted. ?That?s no problem.?
While this conversation was going on I had been filling my pockets up with all my bits and pieces. I looped my belt through all the loops of my trousers. Into my pockets went my two purses. I undid my belt again and looped my two mobiles in their cases on to it. And I retrieved my wallet and pens.
?OK?, I said. ?If you are happy this is only toothpaste I will be on my way. I am sorry to have put you to all this trouble.?
I got another of those you?re-not-listening looks. ?I said, they have to be in clear plastic bags.?
?Where are they?? I asked.
?Follow me?, she said.
I followed her past the x-ray machine, through the magic portal, going upstream against now crowds of people, round the side of the second snakey maze and not through it, past the desk and the steely gaze, past the first snakey maze, again not through it, right to the very start. Here there were two young acolytes whose sole purpose in life was to hand out plastic bags of the regulation dimensions. I was given two. I put one tube of toothpaste in each bag. I tried to seal the bags but the sealing strips were being difficult and life is just too short.
I looked round and my escort had disappeared - no doubt in a puff of smoke.
Now there was no quick way back. The first snakey maze was packed with happy English families with screaming kids and screaming parents no doubt screaming all the way to the sunshine of Spain. I got past the steely gaze and found the second snakey maze packed with the same families who had been ahead of me in the first. Finally I got to the roller track. Into the pocket of my carry-on bag went my two purses, my wallet, my two mobiles, my pens and my belt. Into a plastic tray went two clear plastic bags, each containing a pump action tube of toothpaste.
Eventually I again made it through the magic portal and waited for my kit to arrive at the other end of the roller track. And then it came. No questions. No fuss. Everything was there. I re-kitted myself and put the toothpaste, still in their unsealed plastic bags in my own larger red bag.
I was now through the system. When I started out I had two tubes of toothpaste in a single unsealed plastic bag inside my carry-on bag and now I had one tube of toothpaste in each of two unsealed plastic bags in my carry-on case.
Now I know why they are called 'carry-on' bags.
I looked at the monitor. My flight had been delayed by one hour and twenty minutes. I was now about four hours early.
[ This Message was edited by: royston on 21-10-2008 18:23 ]
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Magician
cleric
Joined: Mar 27, 2005
Posts: 160 | Posted: 21-10-2008 19:05
ROFL, great little story:-)
Hope the rest of the journey was as exciting:-)
JB
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Vulnax
explorer
Joined: Oct 19, 2001
Posts: 648
From: North West
| Posted: 21-10-2008 21:19
They have to do something to hide the delays!
Kept you busy, ehh!
V
Quote:
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On 21-10-2008 18:01, royston wrote:
I looked at the monitor. My flight had been delayed by one hour and twenty minutes. I was now about four hours early.
[ This Message was edited by: royston on 21-10-2008 18:23 ]
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blib
explorer
Joined: Jan 01, 2007
Posts: 533
From: N.London (just)
| Posted: 21-10-2008 22:20
Royston, it's people like you that make me sick.
What if you'd been allowed to take these 'so called' toothpaste tubes on board the plane in a SINGLE open plastic bag and they had ignited spontaneously?
The plane would have been destroyed and you and dozens of others would have perished.
By placing the tubes in SEPERATE bags, the cumulative weight of the subsequent explosion would have been lessened as they would have been seperated from eachother by TWO rather than only ONE sheet of plastic. The plane would have survived and you would be on your way to Guantanamo Bay.
I rest safely at night knowing that our borders are guarded by such diligent officials as the one who thwarted your evil plan at the airport.
[ This Message was edited by: blib on 21-10-2008 22:21 ]
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royston
ranger
Joined: Jul 14, 2007
Posts: 1217
From: Felixstowe, Suffolk.
| Posted: 22-10-2008 08:17
Blib - If you give me a hard time, I will tell everyone I saw you taking photographs of those maps with your little spy camera.
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royston
ranger
Joined: Jul 14, 2007
Posts: 1217
From: Felixstowe, Suffolk.
| Posted: 22-10-2008 08:18
Oooooops!
_________________
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blib
explorer
Joined: Jan 01, 2007
Posts: 533
From: N.London (just)
| Posted: 22-10-2008 09:20
I think that what happened to you at the airport was despicable.
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Zordell
cleric
Joined: Aug 08, 2003
Posts: 219 | Posted: 24-10-2008 20:58
Royston- you are one of the funniest people I have ever met- you always make me laugh  Loved reading!
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